Life is a series of ever-changing circumstances. It’s usually when we feel settled in ourselves, and things start to tick along, we feel as though we know where we are headed and that we are on the right path that we hit a bump. We get thrown. We have choices; do we pick up the pieces and put back together what has been thrown into pieces, or do we leave the wreckage and seek something new? The answer, what feels more rewarding? If our soul feels we need a lesson in a certain way, usually we choose the way that causes most pain. We can also choose the experience that causes most pain when we feel we need to punish ourselves, or are unworthy and undeserving of happiness and wonderful experiences.
We may feel as though we need to fully understand and piece together what was. In doing so, while we gather this information and go in search for idealism, we may find that there is a missing piece, of which we go in search of, only to find that what was is no longer available. Can we make do without this missing piece? If not, what choice do we have but to admit that what we are trying to salvage will not be able to work without this missing piece, and to admit defeat and walk our way into something new?
Whatever choices we make in life, we are giving ourselves an opportunity to experience, to live. I maintain that more often than not, we must experience what we don’t want in order to be able to recognise what we do want. We then have another choice; do we lean into the discomfort of the new experience as we allow ourselves to work through the fear of a new and unfamiliar feeling? It is in these moments we can get stuck in ‘fight or flight’. We either remain paralysed, stagnant, resistant, or we throw ourselves into the polar opposite and run away. At some point, these responses no longer serve us. We persevere with life until we find ourselves. By finding ourselves, we must search our heart. We must take a moment to pause, to reflect. A moment can being different lengths for each of us; for some it can be weeks, for some it can be months, and for others it can be years. It takes us as long as it takes us.
It helps to keep in mind that as we change our inner world, the way we see, feel and think also changes. Our experiences change, therefore our responses change. This can be difficult for those around us who are unable to navigate change. They see an adapted version of us, but depending on their level of awareness and understanding of themselves and the world around them, they may not be able to comprehend what is happening. We are responsible for the way we care for ourselves and humanity, but we can not be responsible for another’s perception and the way they interpret life.
We can sometimes be so desperate to keep another on the same page as us that we can push too hard, we end up causing more harm in a situation. This doesn’t always come from a bad place, it can come from a person’s fear of change and an uncertain future.
More often than not, the best thing we can do in life is to learn to accept that another person is where they are with their wants, needs and processing, and to look at ours, manoeuvring ourselves into a set of circumstances that feel accepting, comforting, giving, allowing. Most of us long for a sense of freedom, and this sense of freedom will mean something different. How many times do we ask what another needs? How many times do we seek to understand what another sees and how they feel? What do we do if we week this with another who does not seek the same?
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