Acceptance

Much of life is about acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean staying where you are, it means pausing to evaluate and pivot.

o   Accepting what has happened

o   Accepting what you have allowed

o   Accepting pain caused by others

Why go through the process of allowing acceptance? To release guilt and shame to allow yourself a grieving process, opening a pathway to express and experience joy and fulfilment.

Those who have experienced trauma can crash internally when life begins to flow again, very easily after a short burst of life going well. This has happened through my own lived experience, and a recurring theme through my client’s difficulties.

I’m not able to explain the science behind it, but I do see and feel the impact it has on the nervous system, and ability to decision make and achieve goals. The key isn’t to push through when the fog is at its heaviest, but to allow a moment of rest and to allow it to blow over. I sure wouldn’t be going out into a storm unless a life depended on it.

This period of rest can look externally like non-achievement, and you may also be adding an extra layer of stress to yourself by taking on a burden that you ‘should’ be doing something. There may even be some fear that doing nothing will lead to a decline.

While you may be in something of a void, you can utilise this time to take stock. The best method will depend on how you operate and how you best soak up information. Some like to write using pen and paper, some like to make lists, some like to use whiteboards perhaps electronically via a site like Canva to name my go-to, and some like to use voice notes.

Working through it Planting a seed is the first step to obtaining anything. This includes questioning yourself, holding yourself accountable, using life as a mirror. This all may sound like carrying an extra load initially, but it is important to get to know yourself, connect with yourself so that living life becomes second nature. You merge your level of consciousness and decision making so you can make informed choices and experience the balanced life you’d like.

Some prompts to help clear the fog:

o   Where is your inner complex coming from?

By complex, I mean that negative thought that can sometimes invade when there is a rush of excitement about an idea you’d like to bring to life. It’s that critic that stops you from following your line of curiosity. Perhaps, it isn’t your voice at all. If it a voice from the past, challenge it!

o   What judgement is coming from my inner circle?

Especially if you are a sentient being, you will feel intensely energy from everyone and everything around you. This doesn’t mean you have to pull away from those people if you want to stay connected to them, but it does mean building up your inner resilience to make informed choices that are in line with your journey.

Those who aren’t comparative and competitive, those who aren’t judging you will naturally celebrate your wins.

You will likely have those in your circle who will share their logical stance if they are on the side of caution as to your idea or next move.

There will also be those whose natural vibration is to be in a place of negativity, always on the side of caution, perhaps even projecting their fears and insecurities with the aim of dampening your spirit.

o   Where am I feeling guilty for allowing myself expansion?

It is so important to know yourself and be confident within yourself. To build resilience so that a knockback, or a trigger, doesn’t cause a swing of emotion. It can be extremely difficult to maintain balance, and there are moments when it may not be possible to keep balance. Which is where acceptance comes into play. Working on the comeback, each time making a conscious effort to put in place coping strategies to prevent a pending swing.

You can be understanding of another’s situation and their way of being, compassion, empathy and understanding is a beautiful trait, however it is also important, if not more so, to be aware of your own level of tolerance.

If you’re someone who naturally wants to best for people, you may be inclined to rush in with a solution to make their situation better. You may have already learned that if the person you are trying to save doesn’t see that they are causing a problem for themselves and others, that your care may be perceived as pressure or interference, and unintentionally inflame an already fragile situation.

If you feel as though you want to be there for a person facing turmoil and can’t contain their anger and frustration, it may be safer for you to stay on the sideline. If you want to remain in contact, ask questions when they reach in instead of making sweeping statements. This shows you are remaining curious and that you care, allowing you to make an evaluation based on their response. Their response will show you where they’re at with themselves and you, which then becomes your information on how to best navigate.

If you’ve found yourself in the firing line, pull back some more. Protect yourself and say less to avoid adding fuel to the fire, allowing the intensity to simmer.

Process your own emotions and focus on your own life. If you can help it, do not allow yourself to drown in their emotional overflow. You can’t contain it if they don’t want you to.

You didn’t become their excuse to continue to allow themselves to destruct. You may be thinking that if you hadn’t taken a certain action, or had, or said that thing then they wouldn’t have driven themselves to destruction. Perhaps it wasn’t you, but they’re looking for someone else to cast the emotional responsibility to. It is not yours to take on. Build that resilience. Self-affirm, as many times as you need to.

A conversation needs to have space both ways. In an ideal world everything will have equal balance. Sadly, we are not in an ideal world, which is why it’s important to find ways to navigate it, and find ways that work for not only yourself, but those you frequently engage with. Collaboration.

If you want to repair, or if the other person approaches for repair and you’re willing to navigate a conversation, ensure you are being heard, that space is made. Both should be listening to another. Desperately wanting to prove a point and fighting for space usually results in further exhaustion and misunderstanding.

If one of you are dysregulated, you are unlikely to receive a peaceful resolution. Manage expectations before agreeing to a conversation. Share what you’re expecting to get out of it and hear what the other expects. This isn’t about control; it’s about managing your own nervous system. Pause the conversation if you feel it isn’t going anywhere. Choose to pick it back up, choose to leave it where it is knowing you’ve tried, but can’t navigate it.

If both are dysregulated when going into a conversation, the outcome is likely to be further conflict. Another reason it is important to check your level of tolerance before agreeing to anything.

As humans, we process much information as an accelerated rate, often so much that much of it we’re not consciously aware of. We also have a limited capacity as which is different for each of us. Some have a higher tolerance to pain than others, some have a high capacity to retain and recite information, some have an ability to switch quickly at high speed.

Others have a higher capacity of emotional intelligence, feeling their way through the world. No one way is better than another, it depends on the environment as to which trait takes precedence and which is viewed as a hindrance. Another place in which acceptance and self-affirmation come in. Trial an error. Find your place. When navigating with trial and error, be sure you’re able to handle rejection without taking on self-criticism and caving in on yourself. No judgment whatever phase you’re at with yourself. The comeback will follow at some point.

People view the world through their own lens. Someone who is emotionally intelligent may appear as less intelligent in the view of someone who may place more value and worth in status and power than in humanness. The opposite is true too. Anything can switch in any of us at any moment of life. Someone who has everything together and achieving can suddenly experience something that causes a mental and emotional breakdown. Some things we have control over. Much we don’t, which can be difficult to admit.

No one person’s way of viewing or navigating the world is the best way, or the way it should be done. There’s an idea which comes from observation in real term and presenting reflection which may translate into a way the person in front of you are able to understand. If you’re not relatable to the person you’re speaking with, you’re less likely to be taken notice of.

o   What is working in your life, what isn’t and how can you navigate the rules and regulation that must be adhered to?

o   If you can see a change is needed, who can you connect with to have a conversation about sharing your perspective?

Sharing your voice in a way it will be received is crucial. The world adapts. Our species adapts. Regulations adapt to the needs of society, though it often takes a very long to time to catch up, often society advancing before a change in structure is even put in place.

o   At what cost do you fight for a cause?

Giving a power-hungry person your energy, attention, anger and frustration is feeding their ego, giving them satisfaction, all the while draining your spirit and taking away your personal power and productivity. Don’t turn a blind eye to something that is important and find an effective way of being heard.

Feed your own spirit, not another’s power. Bring back flow into your own world, and use this flow to create, experience, share, live and thrive.

Being the small cog in the wheel is vital to overall unity and the function of society.

Stay spirited, learn how to channel your energy and navigate the world effectively.

If you are having difficulty in navigating what is best, ask of yourself to bring what you need to understand into your awareness. It may not immediately fall into you, but ask, and let it release.

Would you like a hand in navigating your current set of circumstances? Be sure to book in for your free 15-minute discovery call to see how we can help.